I wish I was more creative

Just included a pic of myself and my friend Amanda so everyone sees it and knows I don't look crazy before they read what I wrote. I'm the one with pink and blonde hair. Well, it will be brown tomorrow.











Well, I can't exactly say I'm not creative. I guess I just have issues when it comes to writing. So yah, where to start...

Well I guess it goes like this...I was with Craig and I loved him,and still do, perhaps more than life itself. I guess I decided to let myself die and some evil psycho bitch took my place or something cause suddenly I was doing things that the normal strong Mandy wouldn't have done. Like texting him constantly, or changing the password to his voice mail box, or heading his new girlfriend off and telling her EXACTLY how he is. I basically thought if I was miserable he should be too. I didn't know just how miserable he was...till he cried on the phone and finally opened up to me after two and a half years of me waiting for it.

Then suddenly it was all different. He was like himself again. The wonderful person I gave my heart and soul to back then. The person that still has it. It just totally sucks because he's with her and she is actually a super cool chick and if I really wanted to I would probably date her myself. I want him to be happy with her but I want him to be happy with me as well. It'll never be both. One of us is going to lose and it's going to suck to some degree for everyone involved.

I don't know what it is about love that makes people over look things they wouldn't noramally. I guess it's kinda like being on drugs, you do things you wouldn't normally do. Except the love drug is bettter than ANY street drug you could get your hands on. The constant state of Euphoria is amazing. The state I'm still in when I think about him.

But then there is also the despair part. Right now I can see him, but he isn't mine so I can't touch him or kiss him or do any of the things I used to do with him and him alone...

And it's driving me CRAZY...

everytime I see him my heart breaks a little more. But it's getting better and easier...cause I know that he still loves me. That thought alone kills me. I know he doesn't want to hurt her and I don't want him to hurt her, but even after everything we've done to eachother I still believe that love will prevail. I always said to myself growing up I was only going to love once in my life and it was going to be bigger than anything I could possibly imagine. And it totally is.