Wow...What a ride...

This has been one crazy fucking 2 weeks.

On July 5th I got my back pack. My passport came on July 13th, 5 whole days early. Guess thats what happens when you get it during non-peak season. So Friday July 14th I got paid...I paid my ex his $250 for child support and dropped $1110 off at home for mine and Craigs one-way tickets to London. My dad was putting them on his credit card for me. That's what I did on my lunch break. I got back to work at 3 pm. My boss says he has to talk to me about something. That is NEVER good. I'm pretty sure I know whats coming.

Apparently they are doing some re-arranging with the things they've been doing there and have decided that I'm not needed. Thats just fucking great. Out of a job EXACTLY 8 weeks before I get on a plane to London. Way to fucking go. And I have 50 bucks to my name after paying for those things.

I took the weekend off...It's my weekend anyways.

Monday I start pounding the pavement. I start at 8 am. Thats fucking Early...I got up at 6. I dropped off about 10 resumes. On my very last one, I guess it was around 10:45, I spot a store in the Forks with a sign for wanted help and I go in and both the manager and owner were there. They looked at my resume gave me a brief interview and then called a couple references. I came back and she was like "the job is yours if you want it". I took it, obviously. Close to the same pay, various hours, opportunity for overtime. It was exactly what I was looking for. Lucky me....I think 3 hours to find a new job is some kind of record for me. Thats why I don't worry about finding work over in Europe, and then when I come back to Canada. I fucking rock.

I still need a second job if anyone knows where I could get one...any help is appreciated.

Well, time for some sleep. Working in a bridal salon is a lot harder than it looked. I'm exhausted.

2 Steps down, 2 million more to go...

So I went to the passport office on Tuesday during my lunch. Got approved for my passport right away and that should be here by July 18th apparently. I went to S.I.R. Yesterday and got my backpack. I'm not sure I'm liking it yet. If I don't like it by payday I'm taking it back and getting the one I've had my eyes on for the last month that was like $85 bucks more. 2 things done, 2 million more to go.

I have to start going through my stuff this weekend and deciding what to sell off. My sis is taking my computer cause she's going to need one...her stupid husband asked for a divorce. Don't even get me started on the reasons I hate that fucker. My other sis wants my clothes...fine with me since I lost all this weight and nothing I own fits anymore. I'll buy some the week before I leave. I have no idea what to expect over there price wise.

I am so excited about going. It's something I've needed to do for a long time. At the same token, I'm petrified. I've talked to people that have done it, and all of them said I'm going to be ok and I'm going to love it. I'm scared of heights and airplanes too. Come to think of it I'm scared of a lot.

I have no idea how to even begin going through this stuff I have here. I'm getting rid of everything. All my clothes because when I come back it's all going to be too big and way out of date. My computer for the same reason. My sewing machine because when I come back I want to get a way better one. Dresser, some lamps, various kitchen supplies, computer games. I want to keep my bedding, since it's my dream bedding and Craig bought it for me. I have a couple really nice pictures I want to hold on to as well. I have a box of old movies on VHS that I should just throw out, VCR's are almost obsolete. 2 boxes of books I have to hold on to. Books are never out of style. The kids toys are staying, and their clothes are going to their dads so they can get some wear out of them.

Speaking of the kids, I think I'm going to call their dad tomorrow and see if I can have them on Saturday/Sunday. I think it'll be 2 weeks since I saw them by then.

My sis just called to ask if I still want to do her hair, so I'm going. I'll post again in a few days.

The rollercoaster ride continues...

I'm trying to have some faith. A certain someone told me I need to have faith. Faith that he's going to actually do what he said he would. Problem is, he's said he'd do certain things before, and then never followed through. Why would now be any different?

I trust him, even after everything that has happened. I'm a realist, and realistically speaking, I don't think anyone is fully capable of conforming to societies ideals. Like cheating for example, I have a psychiatrist that once told me that, quote "9 out of 10 people cheat and the one that isn't doing it is thinking about it". How's that for a statistic? Society says we need to be monogamous, and considering all the diseases out there we should be, but I don't think that most people, ESPECIALLY 20 year old men, are capable of such a standard. I never expected him to be. I just didn't appreciate the lying.

Which is why I'm sitting here and he's telling me to have faith, it's starting to translate into "keep dreaming, it isn't going to happen" and then he gets pissed off when I decide to try and have a life while I'm still in Canada. He said "I don't know why you'd go out with that guy if you're leaving in 2 months". Ummm right, and how about you look in the mirror before you say that to me? Everyone I meet and their uncle knows I'm leaving, if they want to be involved at least it isn't a huge secret. I'm getting on that plane in September whether he comes with me or not.

Anyways, I want him to come, I really really do. The fact that I still love him and the dreamer is telling me that everything will work out helps with that. Then the realist pipes up with "it isn't likely, better plan as if you're going by yourself". I guess I'm just using this blog to vent because I'm frustrated by his lack of ability to make decisions.

It's funny, he always wanted me to help him make decisions, especially important ones, and now he can't have me doing that because this time it involves choosing between people, and I'm one of them. I don't want to sit there telling him to pick me because then I'd be like all his friends and family sitting there telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or who he should or shouldn't go out with. I've always been there to back him up and be supportive. I helped him come to his own decisions, but never actually made them for him. I feel like he's totally capable of making his own responsible choices, but he thinks he can't and he always second guesses himself. He needs to have a little faith in himself is what I think the problem is.

Oh well, I'm going out to Lockport to visit my friend Shane tonight. I don't want to think about all this stuff right now. I'm too fucking tired.