The rollercoaster ride continues...
I'm trying to have some faith. A certain someone told me I need to have faith. Faith that he's going to actually do what he said he would. Problem is, he's said he'd do certain things before, and then never followed through. Why would now be any different?
I trust him, even after everything that has happened. I'm a realist, and realistically speaking, I don't think anyone is fully capable of conforming to societies ideals. Like cheating for example, I have a psychiatrist that once told me that, quote "9 out of 10 people cheat and the one that isn't doing it is thinking about it". How's that for a statistic? Society says we need to be monogamous, and considering all the diseases out there we should be, but I don't think that most people, ESPECIALLY 20 year old men, are capable of such a standard. I never expected him to be. I just didn't appreciate the lying.
Which is why I'm sitting here and he's telling me to have faith, it's starting to translate into "keep dreaming, it isn't going to happen" and then he gets pissed off when I decide to try and have a life while I'm still in Canada. He said "I don't know why you'd go out with that guy if you're leaving in 2 months". Ummm right, and how about you look in the mirror before you say that to me? Everyone I meet and their uncle knows I'm leaving, if they want to be involved at least it isn't a huge secret. I'm getting on that plane in September whether he comes with me or not.
Anyways, I want him to come, I really really do. The fact that I still love him and the dreamer is telling me that everything will work out helps with that. Then the realist pipes up with "it isn't likely, better plan as if you're going by yourself". I guess I'm just using this blog to vent because I'm frustrated by his lack of ability to make decisions.
It's funny, he always wanted me to help him make decisions, especially important ones, and now he can't have me doing that because this time it involves choosing between people, and I'm one of them. I don't want to sit there telling him to pick me because then I'd be like all his friends and family sitting there telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or who he should or shouldn't go out with. I've always been there to back him up and be supportive. I helped him come to his own decisions, but never actually made them for him. I feel like he's totally capable of making his own responsible choices, but he thinks he can't and he always second guesses himself. He needs to have a little faith in himself is what I think the problem is.
Oh well, I'm going out to Lockport to visit my friend Shane tonight. I don't want to think about all this stuff right now. I'm too fucking tired.
I trust him, even after everything that has happened. I'm a realist, and realistically speaking, I don't think anyone is fully capable of conforming to societies ideals. Like cheating for example, I have a psychiatrist that once told me that, quote "9 out of 10 people cheat and the one that isn't doing it is thinking about it". How's that for a statistic? Society says we need to be monogamous, and considering all the diseases out there we should be, but I don't think that most people, ESPECIALLY 20 year old men, are capable of such a standard. I never expected him to be. I just didn't appreciate the lying.
Which is why I'm sitting here and he's telling me to have faith, it's starting to translate into "keep dreaming, it isn't going to happen" and then he gets pissed off when I decide to try and have a life while I'm still in Canada. He said "I don't know why you'd go out with that guy if you're leaving in 2 months". Ummm right, and how about you look in the mirror before you say that to me? Everyone I meet and their uncle knows I'm leaving, if they want to be involved at least it isn't a huge secret. I'm getting on that plane in September whether he comes with me or not.
Anyways, I want him to come, I really really do. The fact that I still love him and the dreamer is telling me that everything will work out helps with that. Then the realist pipes up with "it isn't likely, better plan as if you're going by yourself". I guess I'm just using this blog to vent because I'm frustrated by his lack of ability to make decisions.
It's funny, he always wanted me to help him make decisions, especially important ones, and now he can't have me doing that because this time it involves choosing between people, and I'm one of them. I don't want to sit there telling him to pick me because then I'd be like all his friends and family sitting there telling him what he should or shouldn't do, or who he should or shouldn't go out with. I've always been there to back him up and be supportive. I helped him come to his own decisions, but never actually made them for him. I feel like he's totally capable of making his own responsible choices, but he thinks he can't and he always second guesses himself. He needs to have a little faith in himself is what I think the problem is.
Oh well, I'm going out to Lockport to visit my friend Shane tonight. I don't want to think about all this stuff right now. I'm too fucking tired.
posted by Mandy Christina @ 2:32 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
ever consider he'd end up choosing neither of us?
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